i have a horrible awful really bad relationship with social media and have for yeeeeears. i feel really trapped by these sites. like i HAVE to post on them and if i don't i am nothing. it's stupid. i can't even get myself to take breaks. i can't tear myself away. i can't help myself at all i'm fucking USELESS. idk why it's so difficult. social media is fucking BORING AS HELL. i have no friends to be social with anyways. what benefit do i really get from posting my art online? like, really? all it makes me do is worry about numbers and comments and whether anyone even cares. that's not fun.

what in the hell am i saying why am i typin all this BULLSHIT here? idk. i just wanted to say that i really wanna disappear. i want to leave and not come back for a very long time. but it feels IMPOSSIBLE. that's not even me exaggerating either. i didn't think i was addicted to social media. but me struggling with this the ENTIRE YEAR has made me realize yeah there's definitely a bigger issue here lol. i don't doom scroll but i check it a lot. i'll go on there at random intervals in the day usually to look at other artists work only to immediately start comparing my work to theirs. or i go on there to see how many likes my latest post has. it's TOXIC. i feel like i always need to be on my devices it's so STRANGE???

i don't know how i'm gonna do it. really i have absolutely no idea. but i wanna leave. everywhere. except for neocities lol. and maybe spacehey idk i don't like the ppl over there but i like the blog feature (and i'm too lazy to code my own blog it's to much woooooooork).

yeah.

IM GONNA END THIS HERE BECAUSE I'M EXTREMELY NAUSEOUS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!