mental is like reeeeeeal bad rn lol. which means drawing is extra hard and extra stressful! I think that makes now the perfect time disappear for a bit. is it gonna work? of course not! I'm addicted! I will reappear in like 2 weeks and still be sad!

i have a horrible awful really bad relationship with social media and have for yeeeeears. i feel really trapped by these sites. like i HAVE to post on them and if i don't i am nothing. it's stupid. i can't even get myself to take breaks. i can't tear myself away. i can't help myself at all i'm fucking USELESS. idk why it's so difficult. social media is fucking BORING AS HELL. i have no friends to be social with anyways. what benefit do i really get from posting my art online? like, really? all it makes me do is worry about numbers and comments and whether anyone even cares. that's not fun.

what in the hell am i saying why am i typin all this BULLSHIT here? idk. i just wanted to say that i really wanna disappear. i want to leave and not come back for a very long time. but it feels IMPOSSIBLE. that's not even me exaggerating either. i didn't think i was addicted to social media. but me struggling with this the ENTIRE YEAR has made me realize yeah there's definitely a bigger issue here lol. i don't doom scroll but i check it a lot. i'll go on there at random intervals in the day usually to look at other artists work only to immediately start comparing my work to theirs. or i go on there to see how many likes my latest post has. it's TOXIC. i feel like i always need to be on my devices it's so STRANGE???

i don't know how i'm gonna do it. really i have absolutely no idea. but i wanna leave. everywhere. except for neocities lol. and maybe spacehey idk i don't like the ppl over there but i like the blog feature (and i'm too lazy to code my own blog it's to much woooooooork).

yeah.

IM GONNA END THIS HERE BECAUSE I'M EXTREMELY NAUSEOUS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm sad. I wanted to have a pico day illustration out before the day but I got a really big commission and it took all my energy last week. I didnt work on anything else. I HATE MONEY!!!

aight folks ive either got some serious art block or the looming burn out ive been ignoring for years has finally caught up to me. its has been veeeery hard for me to draw anything whether it be a comic or an illustration or even just sketchin for fun. im prolly not gonna post much or barely even at all in december because if this is burn out i feel like i should take it more seriously as not to make it worse.

so less drawing for me for now :(

i hate not drawing. i love to draw. but i gotta stop forcin myself to draw when im not feelin well. its been bad for years and i think im finally at the worst of it. everything i draw feels...wrong? and i keep comparin myself to others. yeah its been rough. so im gonna chill out for a while i think. i cant risk serious burn out. like the type that makes you not draw for months or even years! ive heard of that and that sounds like actual hell. maybe the fact that im so attachted to drawing is a problem in itself but ah thats a can of worms i refuse to open.

well whatever.

i know i dont have to yk explain myself to a bunch of strangers on newgrounds but honestly...i just like to type/write lol.

i dont care about any of you <3

goodbye!

oh shiiit a other fuckin update on the fam au. I updated the family au ref sheets once again. bc they're refs I dont feel the need to make a whole post so I'm posting it here again. yeeeeah. its 2am I'll update this later with more info.

Protagz:

I wanna talk a little bit about Soft Girl and Tough Guy personality wise since in their ref sheets didn't really say much about them!

Soft Girl: Softie is around 21 years old and she is a college student that majors in something in fine arts like theatre i haven't figured out yet lol. She's an extrovert, but she likes to keep to herself for the most part. She's cute, friendly and a lil silly and quirky. She was a theatre kid lol. But not the insufferable kind, i swear. In high school, she was really popular because she was attractive and nice n stuff and she also had a popular boyfriend for a while before she ended things off. Now she's with Toughie except they aren't really together because she's confused if they feel the same about each other. But oh boy is she head over heels for that little weirdo.

Tough Guy: Tough Guy is also like 21 or something and he didn't go to college. After high school he decided to pursue a career in art (like a fucking moron) and he is currently an intern at a tattoo shop. Toughie is very much an introvert and doesn't really have many friends and he doesn't get out much. Well he didn't. Then he met Gracie and she likes to to go out quite a bit lol. Toughie was also pretty well known back in his school days, but not for good reason. He was pretty mean and rude and was a certified bad boi. But he's chill now. Though on the outside he seems like a bit of a mysterious woah he's so cool kinda guy he's actually just a total loser and a painfully awkward dork once you get pass his tough guy persona.

Silly Side Characters

Okay, now on to their friends.

Originally, the "Tough Love" series thing was just gonna be Tough Guy, Soft Girl and Blue Boy (who didn't make the cut for a reason i'll explain in a moment), but that was no fun. Lately i've been tryna take character design and world building more seriously since its my passion (and i wanna get get enough at it to have a career in it lol) so i wanted to expand upon this world and add some more characters! so from left to right we have:

Buff Guy: Buffy is Softie's ex boyfriend from back when they were in high school. Also Buffy introduced Tough Guy to Softie, because he's just cool like that. He's your stereotypical dumb jock, except instead of being an asshole he's a total sweetheart and is the nicest dumbass you'll ever meet. Some time after Softie and Buffy broke up, he became friends with Tough Guy and at some point he found out that Tough Guy had a little crush on Softie, so he introduced the two. So it's all his fault.

Buffy was originally gonna be Blue Boy. He looked veeeeery different before i did this complete 180 with his design and personality. Blue Boy was gonna be a very shy and sweet guy but he felt so useless and i couldn't really fit him into the lives of Toughie and Softie in an interesting way, so i cut him completely and turned him into this dumb jock guy.

Comic: Comic is a lil less important. He is just Toughie's close friend. They met in high school as well and they have been close friends ever since. Comic is our comic relief character. He's got a sort of sarcastic and jaded sense of humour and he occasionally gets a lil silly.

Cool Girl: Cool Girl is another one of Toughie's friends except they aren't as close. They didn't meet in school. They met at a skatepark and now they just skate together occasionally. She's the stereotypical chill lesbian that looks high every time you look at her. Sometimes she is, sometimes she isn't lol.

Guru: Guru is Softie's fashionable friend that she met in college. They were roomed together and they became friends that way. Guru is the sassy, fun, party animal. She's like the loud, outgoing black girl stereotype (i would like to preface this by saying i am black and i promise this doesn't any racist intent. all the characters are inspired by stereotypes lmao). She always tries to get Softie to party with her, but Softie is much more kept to herself in that sense. Even though the two are opposites, they get along very well and hang out often.

So yeah, that's what's happenin in the universe of Tough Love. Tbh, i've got literay no fuckin' clue what i'm gonna do with these characters besides hopefully make more comics with them. i would like for them to be more than that, but i gotta develope the world a bit more i guess!

Didnt feel the need to put this in a whole post so I'm jus puttin it heree.

ref sheets for these two

I've been putting this off for months. MONTHS. no one understands how happy I am to finally have this FINISHED AND DONE AND NOW I NEVER HAVE TO THINK ABOUT IT EVER AGAIN.

anyways redesigns woahh

my art and the idea of creating art is stressing me out to like an extreme degree. I really have no clue how to make this awful feeling go away. I dont want the only thing I know how to do to become something I dont enjoy. it's been eating me alive for a while now. I don't wanna feel like this. it feels like I'm only gonna continue to get worse.

I didnt think to post this here cuz I figured the ng community would call me cringe and gay but everyone here has been so nice bout it so uh heres the family! I dont think its necessary to make a whole post bout it so I'm jus puttin it here.

theres still some one off refs I'd like ta do but I just havent got around to it.